A litter-box metaphor
Cats shit in a specific litter box or spot and then cover it up as best they can to keep it out of sight and scent….
Just as cats keep themselves relatively clean and presentable despite all the ‘mess’ hiding under the sand, people mostly do their best to remain presentable and hide whatever shit may be hiding beneath their surface as well.
Linda Graham eloquently describes how psychotherapists guide clients through the careful and conscious examination of the various layers of a person’s inner world, their mind, their wounds, their heart. So, therapy can literally feel like shit while the client is peeling back these layers (unearthing the shit) to gain a better understanding of the connection between their experiences, their consciousness and their behaviour, and their perceptions.
I’ve had clients ask why we aren’t immediately discussing and resolving their traumatic pasts, and this is why. A trauma informed therapist will spend ample time building resources, ensuring the client has sufficient internal and external supports when the shit is finally exposed. In addition to all the past experiences that shape our brain and our current perceptions, there is the regular processing of daily nutrients (everyday ups and downs). Using this litter box metaphor, real life doesn’t pause just because you’re engaging in therapy so new piles of shit continue to pop up and accumulate.
Linda Graham further normalises the experience of ‘undigested matter’, the shit we find left over from relationships, disappointing experiences, unachieved dreams, beliefs, and loss. Totally normal. She recommends regular clean ups and carrying on. What does that look like for those of us that aren’t cats? Regular self-care, meditation, physical exercise, engaging in safe and healthy relationships, therapy. It’s in therapy that we hope to help you, the client, understand what unresolved (undigested) bits might be contributing to dysregulation, dis-ease or current distress.
Mandy Fudge MA. RCC.
Island Elements Counselling